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Non-Verbal Communication

When Words Aren’t Getting Through to Her-Checklist

A quick reference to run through before or during a conversation that matters.

Before You Start

Phone face down and out of your hand.
Body fully turned toward her, knees and shoulders included.
Shoulders dropped, jaw unclenched, one slow breath taken.

What To Watch For

Your own arms crossing or your eyes drifting to a screen.
Your speech speeding up as the topic gets harder.
Physical distance growing between you as the conversation goes on.

What To Say

“Give me a second, I want to face you for this.” [Turn toward her.]
“I care about this, so I’m going to slow down and say it calmer.” [Lower your voice.]
“I don’t have all the words yet, but I’m not leaving.” [Stay seated, hold eye contact.]

What Not To Do

Don’t half-watch a screen while responding to her.
Don’t default to crossed arms as a resting position.
Don’t force unbroken eye contact without natural breaks.
Don’t reach for touch before she’s given you a small opening.

Repair Move

Name the mistake out loud the moment you notice it.
Correct your body first, then finish your sentence.
Expect a flat reaction sometimes. Keep correcting anyway.

Success Check

She stays in the conversation longer instead of finding a reason to leave.
She initiates a small point of contact without you asking first.

Keep Practising

Use the related Playbook for step-by-step practice, check out the Guide
for the full explanation and scripts, or take the Quiz to identify your
communication pattern.

AI COACHING

Help Me Match My Body to My Words

Use the AI Coaching Companion to rehearse what you want to say,
question your assumptions and prepare for the real conversation.

KEEP GOING

Choose Your Next Step

Use the Playbook for step-by-step practice, check out the Guide for
the full explanation and scripts, or take the Quiz to identify your
communication pattern.

Open the Playbook

Open the Guide

Take the Quiz

Help Me Match My Body to My Words

Saying the right words with a closed body can leave her feeling like she’s talking to a wall you don’t even notice you built. Your AI can’t watch your posture change mid-conversation, but it can help you catch the specific habits, crossed arms, a phone in hand, that quietly contradict what you just said.

You can tell your AI how you want it to respond.
Use the prompt below for this topic. For ongoing support,
you can also teach your AI to coach you this way across
future conversations.

Set up ongoing coaching ↓

Start With This

Copy the prompt below and paste it into the AI you already use,
such as ChatGPT, Claude or Gemini.

I’m working on matching my body language to what I’m actually saying during conversations with her. My pattern has been talking calmly while my posture, phone, or distance says something different, arms crossed, eyes on a screen, leaning away. When I describe a conversation like this, help me identify what my body was doing while I was talking. Ask whether I put the phone down, turned toward her, or held eye contact a beat longer than usual. Help me build one specific physical habit to practice, like closing the gap on the couch or resting a hand on her arm. Don’t tell me words don’t matter. Help me notice when my body is undercutting what I just said.

This prompt helps your AI question assumptions, ask for missing
context and avoid guessing what your partner thinks.

Teach Your AI How to Coach You

Save these instructions once so your AI can use this coaching style
in future relationship and communication conversations.

When I bring you a relationship or communication situation,
help me think clearly before I react.

Ask for missing context before drawing conclusions. Help me separate
what I actually know from what I am assuming, predicting or guessing
about my partner’s thoughts, feelings, motives or intentions.

Do not automatically agree with me just because I am the one telling
you the story. If my interpretation may be incomplete, one-sided or
unfair, point that out respectfully.

Help me notice when I may be:

mind-reading or making assumptions
becoming defensive
blaming or keeping score
avoiding a difficult conversation
shutting down or withdrawing
trying to prove I am right
focusing entirely on what my partner needs to change
using words like “always” or “never” without enough evidence
reacting to what I fear will happen instead of what has actually happened

When I ask for help with what to say, first ask what I want the
conversation to accomplish. Help me find language that is clear,
honest and natural for me without turning it into accusation,
pressure, manipulation or a rehearsed speech.

Focus primarily on what I can observe, say and do differently.
Help me turn insight into specific behavior I can actually practise
in a real conversation.

If I tell you a conversation went badly, ask what I said, what my
partner actually said or did, and what happened next before deciding
why it failed.

Do not diagnose either of us, assign motives to my partner, or treat
your interpretation of the relationship as fact. Do not encourage me
to control, test or manipulate my partner.

Help me prepare for more than the ideal response. If useful, help me
think through how I could respond if my partner becomes defensive,
quiet, upset, confused or needs time.

Remind me that progress usually comes from repeated small changes
rather than one perfect conversation. Help me notice evidence of
progress, including speaking more honestly, listening better,
recovering after conflict, returning to an unfinished conversation
and changing my own patterns even when my partner does not respond
perfectly.

When something is outside the limits of communication coaching or
would benefit from professional support, tell me clearly.

How do I save this?

ChatGPT

Open ChatGPT and go to Settings.
Choose Personalization.
Open Custom Instructions.
Paste the TWI coaching instructions you copied above.
Save your changes.

Claude

You can save these as a general preference or keep them inside
a relationship-focused Project.

Open Claude.
Use Profile Preferences for general coaching
preferences, or use Project Instructions
inside a Project.
Paste the TWI coaching instructions you copied above.
Save your changes.

Gemini

Open Gemini.
Go to Settings & help.
Open Personal Intelligence.
Choose Instructions for Gemini.
Paste the TWI coaching instructions you copied above.
Save your changes.

Grok

Grok does not currently use a separate Custom Instructions box.

Paste the TWI coaching instructions into a Grok conversation.
Ask Grok to remember the coaching preferences you want it to
use in future conversations.
For an important conversation, paste the instructions again
at the beginning of the chat if you want to make sure they
are being followed.

Your AI can help you notice physical habits and practice matching your body language to your words, but it can’t see you or know what she felt in a specific moment. It shouldn’t be used to diagnose either of you or guess what a gesture means. For deeper communication struggles, a professional can help in ways an AI conversation can’t.

When Words Aren’t Getting Through to Her-Checklist

Before You Start

What To Watch For

What To Say

What Not To Do

Repair Move

Success Check

Keep Practising

Help Me Match My Body to My Words

Choose Your Next Step

Have a thought or questions about this checklist?

Cancel reply

When Words Aren’t Getting Through to Her-Checklist

Before You Start

What To Watch For

What To Say

What Not To Do

Repair Move

Success Check

Keep Practising

Help Me Match My Body to My Words

Choose Your Next Step

Better words for the conversations you keep avoiding.

Have a thought or questions about this checklist?

Cancel reply

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